Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara

Unwelcome Advice

Dear Wayne and Tamara:

I have a single friend and coworker whose recent actions have left my head spinning. I wonder what in the world she is thinking. I want her to reconsider her actions, but first I want your opinion on whether I am being too critical.

This coworker considers herself a Christian and attends church regularly. Her best friend in church is married with two small children. The married friend’s marriage was not doing well, and they ultimately filed for divorce.

At first my friend and coworker ran to the side of her church friend, and proclaimed she would support her every step of the way. Three weeks later, she was dating the church friend’s husband. She went to an Easter egg hunt with the husband and children as if she is the wife.

With the divorce still nowhere near finalized, my coworker is planning to move in with the husband. She is planning a wedding to take place immediately after the divorce becomes final.

I want her to slow down and think how bad this looks. Can you give me something more tactful to say than, “If you pick up someone’s garbage off the roadside, what do you have? Someone’s garbage!”

Dana

Dana, if you want a really thankless job, try talking your friend out of what she is doing. She can’t hear you. She is deafened by the sound of her own wedding bells. How quickly she is proceeding and how this looks aren’t registering on her radar screen.

If you disagree with what she is doing, and feel you can’t socialize with her, then don’t. That will preserve your integrity and openly announce your disapproval.

If you try to intercede, you will be placing yourself between your coworker and what she wants intensely, like a mother between her child and a huge bag of Halloween candy.

Wayne & Tamara

Do you need more friendship advice? Then take a look at The Ask Lacey Friendship Column