Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara

Out Of The Blue

Dear Wayne and Tamara:

I desperately need help ending a friendship I know I must end. For the past two years I have given advice to a friend with problems. My friend would call daily to ask for direction on handling situations she seemed unable to deal with. In my willingness to help, I gave her the best information I could based on my experience.

Yesterday my friend phoned me, and during the conversation, mentioned she didn’t feel I was being honest with myself. She insinuated my husband was probably gay, and that he was either lying to me, lying to himself, or both. This came out of the blue, and I was flabbergasted. She also said she knew her remarks might end our friendship.

I asked her to explain. She said she just “knew” my husband was using me to blend in with society. I should add that she hardly knows my husband, and I have never asked for her advice about my life or my marriage. I defended myself by saying my husband is not a knuckle-dragging, truck-pulling kind of guy, but he is definitely not gay.

She said she was just being honest. I told her honesty is not always called for. You don’t tell someone if you think they are ugly! I am still quite shaken by having to defend my husband’s sexuality and my honesty. I certainly cannot remain friends with such a person. Please help me end this friendship with finesse.

Sonya

Sonya, for two years your friend has been the center of attention with her problems. You tried to help, and you tried to be her friend. Now she is ready to end the relationship if she can’t gain the upper hand.

Perhaps she is tired of playing the victim and wants to diminish what you have. Perhaps she wants to humiliate and hurt you. Perhaps she has other motives. It doesn’t matter. What she said attacks you and your husband.

This situation doesn’t call for finesse but firmness. What you need to do is more like firing a bad employee than talking with a friend. End contact with her. Don’t defend yourself or give credence to what she says.

Take her comments for what they are: valueless. Give them no more thought than you would the peel of an orange. Once thrown away, it is never thought of again.

Wayne & Tamara

Do you need more friendship advice? Then take a look at The Ask Lacey Friendship Column