The Art of Conversation:
“What Do I Say Now?”
Hostess: “Hi, thanks for coming to my party!”
Me: “Thanks for inviting me; it looks like fun!”
Host: “I think you know some of the people here. Help yourself to some snacks. I’ll talk to you later.”
Me: “Okay. Thanks.”
I think: “Actually I don’t know anyone else here! Oh why did I come? I don’t know what to say to anyone!”
Does this scenario sound familiar? If it does, then you’re in good company—with perhaps half the population.  We feel awkward conversing with people we don’t know.
So when a friend introduces us to a stranger, we may blurt out, “Hello, nice to meet you” and come to a dead stop. Unfortunately, unless an earthquake suddenly strikes
or the stranger is a non-stop gabber, we are forced to say more—or else listen to ourselves nervously crunching chips through a tortuous silence.
What do we say next? One suggestion is: “Find out what we have in common with the new person and make a comment on it.” We could tell someone at a party how you know the host.
Or offer an opinion about the music or the food. But if the jazz music makes your head spin and the crab cakes make you want to gag, don’t say so. Your companion might think they’re the only things that make life worth living.
Say something positive such as, “I like those antique bells Molly is collecting.” To elicit a response, continue with, “I collect bells too. Do you collect anything?” I also look for something about which to compliment the new person.
For example, I might say, “I like your top. I just love silk.”
Notice how I changed the word “stranger” into “new person” and “companion”? That’s because the word “stranger” feels intimidating. After all, the secret to knowing what to say is learning what to feel. According to the experts, if you feel
positive, feelings of fear will not interfere with your ability to think of something to say.
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