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Dear Jennifer:
Ooh, all the supposed “help” that’s offered when a baby is on the way can be such a minefield! On the one hand, you want to be gracious and on the other hand, most of the help offered is either
a.) completely useless,
b.) overbearing,
c.) anxiety
producing, or
d.) all of the above.
Your comment about the laundry reminds me of the day I arrived home from the maternity ward with a squalling infant in hand, and my visiting father-in-law pointed to a big bag sitting by my washing machine and asked me to wash his clothes! And
for some bizarre reason, I actually did it.
The question you raise is a great one. How do you tell a person “no” when they refuse to hear you the first 10 times you say it? I think you did it exactly the way it should be done. You tried to be polite to Amy, but when you were pushed to your
limit, you finally had to be firm with her.
I’d like to know why it is that people don’t appreciate the simple truth. I’d much rather know I was doing something wrong than to find out later through the grapevine that I drove my friend nuts. Because let’s face it, most of the time we do find
out, and then we feel awful afterwards.
To be fair to Amy, she was just doing her duty as a human being. If you take it down to a purely biological level, as humans we all have a basic interest in ensuring that the next generation of our species survives, even if it means coddling a
pregnant woman until she’s ready to tear her hair out.
Perhaps you could call Amy and say you wish things hadn’t ended so badly the last time you saw each other. You don’t need to apologize for your own behavior, because you really didn’t do anything wrong. But you can reiterate that it wasn’t your
intention that she would leave your house feeling so bad. If you forgot to thank Amy for all the work she put into the baby shower, you should mention your appreciation. Just leave out all the things she did that were unhelpful.
If you’re feeling especially charitable and want Amy to feel better while absolving yourself of any wrongdoing, just blame everything on pregnancy hormones – that got me out of a lot of bad behavior when I was pregnant! And it is very true that
pregnancy -- and the radical changes it brings – can make women extremely edgy. If you need proof, then observe a pregnant or nursing cat. Or rather, watch out for it if you don’t want to get your hand bitten off. We humans aren’t too different
when it comes to protecting our young.
I hope you and Amy are able to get things back on track. This is a miscommunication that can be resolved as long as Amy is open to it and you’re willing to make the first move. Best of luck to you!
Lacey
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