How to Communicate Bad News
Unfortunately, there are times when we have to tell someone bad news. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or some other
tragic event, it’s never easy to be the bearer of bad tidings. Here are some suggestions that can make communicating bad news easier for both parties.
Choose The Right Time and Place
My mother often said throughout my formative years that there is a time and a place for everything. When it comes to communicating bad news, that saying
is all the more true.
I'll never forget the day I saw my supervisor, a classy, self-possessed women named Susan who held a very responsible position with the firm I worked
for, burst into tears in the middle of the office one Wednesday afternoon. For some reason, her sister chose to tell her of her mother’s passing over
the phone while she was still at work. Susan broke down and sobbed inconsolably for quite some time.
Later Susan mentioned that even though she knew she had no reason to be, she was very embarrassed by the way she lost control in front of her staff and
worried that people at the firm might think less of her somehow. That should not be the case, but I understood how she felt. Susan’s sister made the
mistake of choosing the wrong place and time to communicate bad news.
From Susan’s example its easy to see why a considerate and compassionate person would never share bad news such as the death of a loved one with someone
who is at work, or school or in any other circumstance where they cannot express their grief in private, unless its an extreme circumstance.
Give Bad News Face to Face
Of course there are times that we have to deliver bad news that is not as extreme as the death of a loved one. We may have to tell an employee that they
did not get the promotion they wanted, or we may need to end a relationship with someone we've been dating. Under almost every circumstance, it is best
to deliver bad news face to face.
Sharing information like that via e-mail or leaving a message in voicemail shows a gross lack of courage and consideration, it also robs us of the opportunity
to soften the blow, something any master of the art conversation would want to do when delivering bad news.
Be Prepared
If you must tell someone bad news, be prepared to be empathetic towards whatever emotion he or she displays upon hearing it. If you are familiar with the
person you are sharing bad news with, you might already have a good idea how her or she will react. If you are not, keep in mind that everyone expresses grief
or sorrow in a different way. Be prepared to empathize instead of criticize, even if you think the person’s reaction is over the top.
Be Empathetic
How? Well, one way is to simply let the recipient of the bad news give you a clue as to what you should do to show empathy. If she sheds some tears, be the
convenient shoulder for her to cry on. If he becomes angry, listen sympathetically as he gets it out of his system.
Avoid expressions like, “I know exactly how you feel” unless you've actually experienced the same situation. A better thing to say is, “I can only imagine what
you're feeling. I'm so sorry.” And if it’s appropriate, ask what you can do to help. Sadly, there is probably nothing you can do to make the recipient of bad
news feel better at that moment, but your concern and willingness to help will be appreciated.
Having to be the barer of bad news is a job that most of us would like to avoid, but when its something we must do, chose the right time and place, say what you
must face to face, and be prepared for to deal with and be empathic toward whatever reaction the recipient of the bad news might have. These few suggestions will
help you communicate bad news in a way that is as painless as possible for the both of you.
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