The Art of Conversation -
Good Listeners Make Good Conversation
There’s definitely a big difference between hearing and listening. Stop for a second and just listen to the sounds around you. What do you hear?
I hear a car driving up the street outside my window, a bird chirping, the hum of my computer, and somewhere in the distance two people are having a rather
heated discussion. But until I stopped and actually listened to those sounds, I totally blocked them out, even though I obviously could hear them.
Are you listening to me?
When someone who is talking to you suddenly stops and asks you, “are you listening to me?” then you’re doing something that makes it seem like you’re not
paying attention to what is being said. Perhaps you’re not listening. Then you’ve just been asked a legitimate question.
If you want to be an expert in the art of conversation, then you can’t let your mind wander or get distracted when people are talking to you. If you find
what’s being said boring or distasteful, then perhaps its best to either discreetly change the subject or politely end the conversation.
But I Am listening.
If you find that people are constantly getting the impression that you’re not listening when in fact you are, then you’re doing something that makes it seem
like you’re attention is elsewhere. Here are some tips on what you can do to indicate that you are paying close attention to the conversation, and are happy to be doing so.
1. Make good eye contact - Nothing says, “I’m not paying attention”, like looking at everything except for the person who’s talking to you. Spend 75% of your time looking
into the other person’s eyes, or at the bridge of their nose if you tend to be shy, and you’ll be considered a good listener.
2. Nod occasionally - Nodding says, yes I agree, or yes I understand what’s being said.
3. Ask insightful questions - Asking questions tells the other person that you're interested in what they're saying, and by default, find them interesting.
4. Hmmm. - Making that sound is another way to indicate that you finding what’s being said interesting, and it has the added benefit of not interrupting the other person’s
flow of conversation or train of thought.
5. Watch your body language – Fidgeting and crossing and uncrossing your arms can indicate impatience, while leaning in slightly towards your conversation partner indicates rapt attention.
6. Listen for Useful Facts – No doubt during the conversation your conversation partner will give away some useful facts. Did he mention his wife during the conversation, or that he likes
to swim, or that he has four cats? Tuck those little pieces of information away so that you can use them as conversations starters the next time you meet. Nothing says “I find you
interesting and enjoy talking to you.” like remembering a personal fact.
Keep these tips in mind, and no one will ever accuse you of not listening again, and you will find yourself well on the way to becoming a good listener who makes good conversation.
|
