I Laughed, They Cried!
Part II - Onstage
By now the room was about 1000 degrees and I was sweating like a pig. My mouth had suddenly become drier than a popcorn fart.
Hey that's a good line maybe I should open with it. I walked out on stage, shook the hand of the MC, turned around and was blinded by the
spotlight that glared into my face. I groped around on stage until I felt the microphone. It took me 3 tries to remove it from the stand and,
after running into it twice, I decided that maybe I should move it out of my way.
The perspiration poured off my face so bad I heard someone in the front row call out "shower, shower". I looked out into what I hoped was the front
of the stage and discovered I couldn't remember anything. I mean nothing, not one single word, not even my name.
The panic was beginning to rise up in me, and then suddenly it came to me in a flash of brilliance..."I guess this is the part where you forget your lines".
The audience looked at me blankly, not even a chuckle. This was defiantly a tough crowd. I needed something, anything to get the ball rolling. Problem was
I was totally blank; the routine I had carefully crafted and rehearsed was a distant memory.
I walked around the stage like a tiger caged against his will. "Come on think of something" I heard myself say out loud. Where is your inner voice when you
need it? The silence was so painful and yet my hearing was suddenly very acute. I heard the snickers and whispers of the other comics. "Hey Bambi this isn't a silent movie".
Oh no even the freaks are attacking me.
Finally the MC walked on stage and said, "I'll take it from here". I slunk off the stage humiliated beyond words. How could I have just drawn a blank? What did I do wrong?
Where the heck did those flood lights come from? The hours of practice and rehearsal did nothing. How hard can it be to do comedy? All I could think as I hurried out the building was...
...I'll do better next time. After all, Mom did say I was the funniest!
by Derek Wilken
Want to learn more about breaking into stand-up comedy. Go to The Cheers Project - Live Stand-Up Comedy Training for Adults
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