I Laughed, They Cried!
I always knew I was funny. I can always make people laugh. Heck, Mom says I'm the funniest one in the family.
So when I decided to give stand-up comedy a try I was sure I would be a natural.
I envisioned standing ovations and agents fighting to sign me up.
How tough can it be to do comedy in front of a crowd? Making Dad laugh after he had a few beers, now that was tough. Performing in a nightclub in
front of an adoring audience, well that would be easy. And again, Mom did always say I was the funniest.
I spent a solid week working on my routine. A whole week! I’ll bet most of the comics I had seen didn’t put that kind of effort into their routines.
They just seemed to go up on stage and “wing it”. I would dazzle them with my brilliant interaction with the audience; amaze them with my rapier like wit
and then close with a few zingers guaranteed to keep them in stitches. I was conscious to be original so I had a very creative bit on being dyslexic.
I practiced it many times in front of a mirror and it just kept getting funnier and funnier. All I could think was "how much notice should I give when I quit my old job"?
Finally the big day arrives. I arrive early and go up to introduce myself to the MC for the evening. "You're number 17" he says to me, "and remember rookie, 5 minutes only".
How rude. I asked him what if the audience is laughing so hard they ask me back for an encore? His laughter was ominous.
As the room began to fill I noticed that it was also getting very warm. I couldn't seem to stop myself from sweating and quickly tried to come up with a line to take advantage of the situation.
"I'm so hot..." kept coming to mind, but I couldn't seem to finish it. When I get famous I was only going to perform at clubs with air conditioning.
The lights dimmed and the show started. I was amazed at how bad the other comics were. Didn't they practice? Why would someone humiliate themselves on stage in front of so many people?
I quickly realized not everyone had the natural writing and performing skills I was blessed with. Mom was right. I was the funniest. Comic after comic went up and received lukewarm applause at best.
I began to worry that the audience would be so bored they wouldn't get the intricacies of my unique brand of humor.
Finally it was my turn...
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